Once again, location proves to be the deal breaker. In New York City the past couple of days and so glad now to be home, at the riverside, listening to the gulls, with only one other person in my proximity (using the word person loosely, as I mean Kitty).
I was, of course, not on a house hunting trip this time, but there for work. I have been very lucky over the past couple of decades, thanks to my employers, to see the world: Dublin, Munich, Tel Aviv, Shanghai, London, and many times the big apple. On each trip, I felt a sense of wonder (pinch me, what is a girl from Maine doing on the Great Wall, floating in the Dead Sea, flying in Business Class?), and I wore a worldly sophistication that served its purpose but never fit quite right.
On this trip, I forgot to pack that sophisticated, city girl costume, perhaps on purpose, and brought only my more comfortable 'country mouse' skin. While, I rocked the pencil skirt ( black of course) and stilhettos, this simplegirl could not revel in the moments. Party on the 61st floor of the Empire State Building? Pretentious and self-congratulatory. Walking down 7th Avenue to meet with customers in their posh midtown office? Excruciating, agoraphobia-inducing. Executive level meetings in high tech board rooms? Uncomfortable; listening to my colleagues and clients talk, I was envious of their passion for what they are doing, and suddenly, keenly aware that I was in the wrong place.
To live in the landscape that you love is one thing (oh Vermont!) but to live in the work that you love is equally, if not more, important. Time to swim against the ambitious and political currents and create a career that need not be worn like a costume, but that is as comfortable as bare skin.