We excuse our sloth under the pretext of difficulty. ~Marcus Fabius Quintilian
Yah, no I don’t know who Marcus Fabius Quintilian is either, but apparently he came up with this nugget over 1,900 years ago. So you can see his wisdom has stood the test of time – much like the many excuses we’ve all made to avoid getting out of our comfort zones and on with our lives.
How many times over how many years have you used this phrase: "as soon as I?” From the trite: "as
soon as I lose some weight, I'm going to ___<fill in the blank>___", to the tragic: "as soon as I finish this project, I will visit my Dad, spend more time with the kids; plan a date night with my spouse; you get the idea.
There are excuses that allow us to politely say no, to carve out our own space, and push aside truly annoying tasks. Yes, Marcus, we use excuses because we just don’t want to be bothered. Let’s call this the active excuse. All we suffer by actively employing an excuse is a bit of guilt. The danger lies in the passive excuse – where the subject of the story (i.e. you!) is not driving the action along, but only submissively affected by it.
These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stoic
They've kept me locked in my own cell*
Make a list of the five things you “love to do” or have “always wanted to do” but haven’t lately … or ever. Now ask yourself why. Then ask why again and again. It probably won’t take more than one or two rounds before you realize there isn’t anything in your way but you.
Now I am not going to go all Nike® on you here. I understand very well that the fearless ability to “just do it®” is a rare gift. I don’t have it. But excuses bring you to a full stop; safe, but locked in one place. My dad told me once, “any progress is progress,” and I swear I use that phrase at least once a week and try to practice every day. Allow me to illustrate:
Passive Girl:
I’ve always wanted to write a book, but I don’t know where to begin and I’m just too exhausted.
Active Girl:
I’m too exhausted to write a whole book, but I am keeping a notebook of thoughts, even just a few words and I’m committed to working on my blog at least once a week.
It’s not a book. Not yet. But it’s progress. Simple efforts. No excuses.
I think one of the reasons we justify not making progress is because we have an all or nothing mindset – a silly conception that all must be perfect or it is not worth the doing. This is why I haven’t practiced my guitar; because after four lessons, I don’t play like Joni Mitchell. If we don’t leap over the high bars we set for ourselves with ease, we lower the bar instead of trying again.
These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me small
They've kept me blocked
They've kept me safe inside my shell*
Or perhaps we are afraid. I know I am. Why set the bar so high if we are too scared to make the leap anyway? Because we know the excuses that keep us safe, also keep us small.
Bringing this into the light
Shakes their foundation
And it clears my side
Now my imagination
Is the only thing that limits
The bar that is raised to the heights*
Go back to your list with your excuses in full light. Now, use your imagination. It isn’t that difficult and you are not slothful. A small step, a hop, a skip, or a little jump – even one that results in a skinned knee – is progress. And any progress is progress.
Don’t just listen to me, listen to Alanis:
Be Simple
*Morissette, Alanis. “Excuses.” So-Called Chaos. WEA, 2004.